Hip Hop and Trendy Lingo
by Devil's Toenail
Summary: Will get a better title. I promise. Becoming Human. Adams POV on events and his encounters with a interesting and slightly annoying girl in his year.
1. Chapter 1

Adam had not been having a good first day. Firstly he had managed to make a dick of himself in front of some of the most popular people in school and he didn't even understand how. He was cool, he was using trendy lingo. Ok, fair enough, he wasn't the smoothest when he was flirting with the bird with the tiny tits, but other than that he hadn't been doing too badly.

Then he runs into another one of _them_. One that seems to be in total denial that she is one at all and as fit as she is, he didn't want to get involved in that again. But of course nothing is that simple because even before the first class has begun he is put in a detention with her, _through no fault of his own_, and has been handed the burden of solving the mysterious death of a chubby nob with sick down his front. Brilliant.

The next day wasn't much better. Adam couldn't find Christa during lunch at all and had to resort to sitting on his own like some sort of loner at a table located next to a group of arty freaks. It was hard enough trying to eat the disgusting canteen food without their fancy bullshit clogging up the air.

"You see, what I think Wilsons charcoal study is try to express is the moral and social decay of today's society" An obnoxious bloke droned pointing at a picture of a dead cat outside the houses of parliament. The rest seemed to lap it up, nodding in agreement.

Adam couldn't help but let out a snort of laughter and unfortunately they heard. Each one turned to look at him and he froze, mentally kicking himself.

"Yo mate. What's so funny?" he looked up to see a girl with curly brown hair, cut into a bob and a massive smirk like she knew she was going to win this confrontation. Her tone was confident with a pompous edge and seemed to have the permanent expression of someone about to burst out laughing any minute. She also had a massive blob of green paint on her cheek and if she knew it was there, she couldn't care less.

"Er, well, it's just you lot seem to be getting very worked up over a dead cat." He tried to play it cool as he usually did, "I mean, we're young, we've got better things to be thinking about" He nodded at the males in the group and made a squeezing motion with his hands, "You know what I mean?"

"So what if we are getting worked up? Has it anything to do with you?" she was grinning now, it was really weird, like she wasn't pissed off at all.

"I-"

"I didn't think so. So why don't you bugger off back to the crypt and let us get on with what we were doing, yeah?" Her cronies were all laughing now, laughing at him. He was suddenly paranoid that she knew what he was, but then remembered his rather deathly complexion and shrugged it off.

"Yeah?" she said again, obviously wanting an answer.

"Yeah" He agreed miserably, feeling pretty humiliated. Adam dumped his half eaten sandwich on his try and stood to leave. He glanced over that their table again, but they had all gone back to their 'discussion', the girl looked up momentarily and caught his eye and grinned, winking at him before turning back to her friends. The wink hadn't been flirty, but it confused Adam as it was the sort of wink you would give a friend after you had just taken the piss out of them to let them know there were no hard feelings.

"Kids today" Adam mumbled to himself on his way out of the canteen.

Debbie had him clocked the second he appeared in the lunch hall, all pale and suspicious looking, wandering around, trying to find a place to sit. She had heard all about how he had made a tit of himself in front of Danny and his gang and also how he had spoken to Brandy. She loved him for that and hadn't even met him yet. She nearly squeaked with happiness when he sat down at the table next to hers and when he had let out that snort that was her chance to let him know who she was and how things went if you pissed off her or any of her mates. She didn't really want to bitch at him like that, but it was expected of her by the others. She had hoped that a friendly wink would show that there are no hard feelings, but she didn't know whether he got it or not. Either way she definitely wanted to talk to him again even if he did act like a bit of a nob. There was something really interesting about him she couldn't pinpoint.

"Well, at least we can strike Danny off the list" Adam said, glancing around the deserted corridor, hoping no one would see him as he looked as though he was talking to himself, when he was really talking to Matt.

"Yeah" Matt replied, "We make a really good team don't we? I scare, you two interrogate. We're a bit like Scooby Doo, only that was the other way around…"

Adam rolled his eyes, "Don't be a gay lord Matt"

But Matt was still going, "We could get a van and call it the Mystery Machine! We'd be so cool!"

"No, we'd be so sad and even more unpopular than we already are. Now piss off, you're making me late for class."

"Fine. There's no need to be such a nob about it"

Adam spun around, "Me? A nob? You're the nob you podgy bell end Casper!"

"What sort of language is that supposed to be?"

Adam cringed as Miss Kells, one of the arts teachers stood there, glaring at him.

"Ah shit" he mumbled to himself

"And again?" she folded her arms across her massive chest, she really needed to invest in a decent bra, "I think a detention ought to teach you to think twice before using disgusting language like that again"

"Aw, but Miss…"

"No buts! My room, lunchtime today, you can clean out the old paint pots and sort the brushes for an hour"

Adams eyes widened, "But I don't even do art!"

"Well, then. It'll be an experience for you" Miss Kells gave a smirk before striding off towards the staff room.

"Cock Jockey" he mumbled to himself turning away.

Miss Kells didn't seem to give out detentions that often, because the only other person there was someone with their upper half in a cardboard box with their ass wriggling around in the air covered by a pair of red jeans.

"Glad you could join us Adam" Miss Kells smiled, "The pots and brushes are over at the sink. I suggest you get to it"

Adam threw his bag down and let out a sigh. Gingerly, picking up a very gungy paint pot he started to work.

"Now, I've got a staff meeting to go to, so Debbie, you're in charge" she headed out the door.

"Righto!" replied the box.

"So what did you do?" asked Adam

"What?" said the box

"To get detention. You did the crime so you gotta do the time"

"Oh, I'm not on detention. I'm finishing this piece of coursework. Want to see?"

Adam moved towards her, "Sure"

"Climb on in. There's just enough room for two. Unless you're immensely fat that is"

He grinned and squeezed in. The person had a torch in with them so they could see what they were doing. Inside the box a whole galaxy of stars and planets had been painted round the whole of the inside.

Letting out a little "Oh" he turned to look at it creator and saw a pale face with a massive blob of green paint grinning back at him.

"Agh!" he cried out in shock and leapt out of the box and watched this 'Debbie' wriggle out too.

"I hope I didn't scare you" she said, still smiling.

"What? No, no" Adam played it cool again and gestured to the box, "That's pretty good"

"I know isn't it?" Debbie wiped her paint covered hands on a cloth before stretching out her hand, "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself earlier. I'm Debbie"

He shook her hand, "Adam" he replied wearily.

"Listen, I hope there are no bad feelings about earlier. You were right, Wilsons picture was shit" she turned away and began to tidy up her own paint pots and brushes.

"Aw no! It's cool, it's cool" he leant against the desk, watching her. She turned and gave him a funny look, wrinkling her little puggy nose and turned away again.

"It's just expected of me you see. By the others."

Adam frowned, "Why do you care so much about what people think."

She shrugged "I dunno"

"I thought that being carefree was the 'in thing'. I don't care what people think." He started tidying up the pots again.

Debbie spun around and grinned at him, "And look where that's gotten you."

"Listen. I'm cool. I'm my own man. It's all about being the lone ranger, baby."

She started laughing then, "What's with all the hip hop and trendy lingo, granddad?"

Adam shrugged, a bit embarrassed and she noticed, "I'm only joking" she slapped him on the shoulder before heading over to the computer at the teacher's desk and plugging something in.

"We'll listen to a bit of music and I'll help you get this done, yeah?" she walked back over and started to fill the sink with soapy water to clean the brushes. Adam braced himself for yet more crappy modern music and he was pleasantly surprised when he actually recognised the song.

"You like Three Dog Night!" Adam asked, wide eyed.

Debbie smiled back, "You actually know who they are? Brilliant! Usually when I put it on I have to explain who they were"

"So no Sugarbabes then?" Adam grinned

"Pah! That bollocks! No thanks." She flicked water at him with her hands, "You're, like, my new best mate, you know that?"

He laughed, not really knowing what to make of this. The next few songs were all stuff that he remembered. The Rolling Stones, Sex Pistols, all brought back good memories as they chatted away to each other and Adam managed to restrain himself and make only two suggestive jokes which Debbie seemed to ignore. He was a bit shocked at the next songs subject of choice.

"Ok, that, "he pointed at the speakers, "I do not recognise."

She laughed and began to sing along tunelessly, "_The sex has made me stupid, the sex has made me stupid, the sex has made me stupid, the sex has made me stupid!_ Come on, Adam. With all those dirty jokes I thought this be right up your street!"

She sang it again and began to pretend to dry hump the counter top behind her. Adam laughed and pretended to wank with the paintbrush he was holding. They went on like this for the rest of the song and were about to do the grand finale of spraying soap suds everywhere when and loud and angry voice stopped them.

"What on earth is going on?" Miss Kells screamed, her face bright purple.

_So that's the first chapter up! Enjoy and review!_


	2. Chapter 2

In some ways, Debbie was rather grateful that Miss Kells had burst in and given them both a detention and called them both "disgusting animals" because Adam had started acting really weird and it was beginning to scare her just a tiny bit. When they had just been chatting she noticed a clammy sheen appear over his pale face and his eyes had gone slightly feverish, almost hungry looking.

"Have you had any lunch yet? You look as though you could do with a bite." She told him but he had just shook his head and said that he was fine. Then, a bit later when they were dancing around he was looking even sicker, sweatier and was shaking slightly and kept glancing a her shirt collar but she tried to ignore this and asked him whether he had heard about Danny pissing himself the other day.

Adam had just laughed and glanced away, "Yeah, that prick deserved it"

Debbie was going to let this put her off though, she was still determined to find out more about him and the next lunchtime detention with him would be her chance.

Adam nearly kissed Miss Kells on her big moustached face when she walked in. He couldn't have spent another second near that girl. Not that there was anything particularly wrong with her apart from be quite mouthy with an annoying laugh, but she had this habit of getting into your personal space when she was talking to you and he was just _so hungry_. He could see the pulse in her neck and it was getting unbearable and Miss Kells walking in was the perfect distraction before he could run off, saying he was late for class. He had no idea how he was going to get through another detention with her unless he fed soon.

He deliberately put his bag between himself and her the next day at lunch, just in case it happened again. She grinned at him as he sat down, not fazed at all as Miss Kells told them that she wanted them both to write an essay on why it is important to know why not to express your sexuality in an inappropriate manner.

_There are many reasons to why it is important to know why not to express your sexuality in an inappropriate manner. For one, health and safety measures. You never know when that spunk is going to take a mind of its own and go flying into someone's eye. _

Adam scribbled this out and passed it to Debbie who immediately gave a loud snort and tried to disguise it as a cough. She then started to write something down, and soon a note was passed to him.

_And, dear children, we must always remember that cautionary tale "When the boats a rocking, don't come a knocking" Many an innocent mind has be tainted by walking in on their parents having a bit of 'quiet time' _

He stifled a laugh and scribbled back, _"When the boats a rocking…." You'd know all about that wouldn't you, sweetcheeks?_

_Don't be a creep. I am offended, I'm as innocent as a nun in a chastity belt _

_I'm sure you are! I've seen the way you've been looking at me. You think I'm a sex beast._

_Yeah, you're hot stuff. I imagine you in your underwear all the time_

_What if I'm not wearing any?_

_Ewwwwwwww that's-_

"Ok you two, I have to run around to the office to make a phone call. Behave yourselves, I won't be a minute" Miss Kells told them sternly, dashing out.

"You're such a sex pest, Adam" Debbie said, flicking pencil sharpening's at him.

"Why thank you. I try" he grinned back.

She smiled and took a gulp from her water bottle as he changed the subject, "Here, you haven't heard anything about that kid that went missing, Matt?"

"That clumsy twat? No" She frowned, "Why?"

"Just wandering, I heard he was murdered, that's all." He shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Who told you that?"

"Just rumours y'know."

Debbie tutted, "You shouldn't believe everything you hear"

"What? Like a certain art student getting suspended for running through the school in her knickers, painted green, with a traffic cone on her head?"

Adam grinned at her reaction as she spluttered and went red, "Who told you that? It was for art. I was making a statement about climate change."

"No you weren't. You were expressing the massive horn you have for me."

"You weren't even at this school!"

"Exactly!" he sat back, putting his hands behind his head, "So, you didn't like that Matt then?"

"I used to think he was alright until he used his massive ass to squash my art sculpture." He nostrils flared "I spent two months working on it! And all he could say was ' Aw sorry, was eating an egg' I mean, who eats just an egg?"

"That's what I told him" he mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing"

All this banter about Debbie having the hots for Adam was making Debbie _really_ have the hots for Adam. He was looking especially nice today in a red and black checked fleece. Having nothing but bad experiences of making a tit of herself in front of blokes she liked, she made a pact with herself not to fuck this one up and hitched her skirt up a bit higher in the hope that he'd notice.

_Hope you liked. Enjoy and PLEASE review!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Adam has posted a profile of Debbie_

NAME Debbie Higgins

APPEARANCE Dark hair, and looks a bit like a young Jack Wild. …You don't know who that is? Oh come on, he was massive in the 70's! Her tits could be bigger too, but I'm not complaining.

ATTITUDE Funny in a really nasty way. Seems to get her kicks from taking the piss out of people. The other day she compared Mr Sewell the English teacher to Barney the Dinosaur with a pine cone stuck up his arse.

And her taste in music is amazing! None of this modern hip hop Beyoncé crap. Rolling Stones, The Ramones and Sex Pistols. _Real music._

SOCIAL CIRCLE The Arty Farty Group. They all spend their time in the art dept. and sit in a circle at lunch comparing paintings of dead cats wearing bow ties.

REASON FOR SUSPICION Never bothered with Matt until he used his massive ass to sit on her coursework sculpture that she spent all year on when he got distracted eating an egg. Christa said it happened in the lunch hall and actually used the words "I'm going to kill you, you blubbery, egg eating git!"

OTHER COMMENTS Christa also says that she got suspended last year for running through the school in her bra and knickers, painted green with a traffic cone on her head. When I asked her she went all red and murmured something about 'living art'. I sort of wish I'd been there to see it. I bet her knickers match her bra. Or maybe she's a member of the thong brigade. Yeah.

Comments

Christa wrote;

Adam, has the size of her tits really got anything to do with anything? I ask you to do some digging and all you come up with is a comment on her cup size. Boys are all the same!

Adam wrote;

Hey! That's a bit unfair. I had a good look at her ass too, it makes up for the lack of norks.

Christa wrote;

I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Nob.

Adam wrote;

Oh lighten up. I found out what you wanted didn't I?

Matt wrote;

I still feel bad for sitting on her sculpture. At least she didn't punch me the way most people do.

Christa wrote;

No, she just threatened to kill you instead.

Matt wrote;

To be honest, I don't think it was her. Actually, I pretty sure it wasn't her. She seems to harmless.

Adam wrote;

Yeah, she seems too gobby and work focused to bother hatching evil murder plans if you ask me.

Christa wrote;

The thing is no one asked you.

Adam wrote;

You're not still pissed off are you? If it make you feel any better your ass is a lot nicer than hers, ok? You can't stay angry at me, I'm too cute and cuddly.

Christa wrote;

Just keep an eye on her, ok? Nob.

I'm not a nob!

_Just a short chapter this time, but please keep the reviews coming, they really encourage me! Thanks for all the great reviews so far._


	4. Chapter 4

"Alright Debbie?"

Debbie glanced up from her lunch and saw Adam approaching their table, almost timidly, possibly due to the fact that her mates were already smirking at him, daring him to have another go at Wilson's cat painting.

"What?" she said, wiping crumbs from her leopard print shirt. She wasn't happy one bit. She had just heard that Adam was going out with that Christa freak, even after she spent the rest of that detention flirting outrageously with him and practically flashed her knickers at him.

"Hello to you too" he said, looking a bit affronted, "Listen, can I have a word?" He pointed towards the steps of the canteen.

He mates let out a few guffaws and "Ohh"'s and Debbie turned to them, "Shut up! Claire, I don't see why your laughing, the last bloke that asked to see you alone was your gynaecologist"

She followed Adam towards the steps and leant against the banister with a face like thunder, "What is it?"

He grinned, "What's getting you so pissed off? That time of the month?"

"No!" she huffed, "Look, won't your _girlfriend_ be wandering where you are?"

He acted stupid and gave her a blank look.

"Christa. That charity shop reject with a head you could fry your breakfast on."

A sudden look of realisation came over his face, "Oh. Oh right. Yes. Well, we're not really going out, I mean the relationships starting to run a bit dry. The sex is great like- _I'm going to ask in a minute_"

"What?"

He shifted uncomfortably glancing at the space beside him, "Er, nothing."

"Whatever. Why have you dragged me away from my food?"

He looked uncomfortable again, "I was just wandering if you knew anything about Fat Matt disappearing? 'Cause I heard he was dead."

"Dead?"

"Yeah" there was something in his tone that made it seem like he knew more than he was letting on.

"Who would do that?"

"Dunno. Just wondering if you heard anything?" he was looking more uncomfortable by the second. Either he really didn't want to be near Debbie or there was something annoying him the Debbie could see, like an invisible bee.

"Well I haven't. So you can bugger off to your girlfriend now" she turned to leave but Adam caught her by the wrist, but quickly let go like he had been burnt.

"You're really pissed aren't you?" he looked confused but there was a smile playing on his mouth, "I mean, I knew you had a major horn for me the second you met me, but I didn't think it was that bad."

Debbie felt herself go red, "I do not!" she almost shouted, "Don't be so stupid"

She began to walk away, trying to ignore his shouts of, "Aw, come on! There's enough Adam to go around!"

_I don't like him that much_, she thought, _I didn't have kinky dreams about him last night or anything like that._

Adam smirked as he watched her walk away, she definitely liked him.

"Do you fancy her then?" Matt mumbled beside him.

Adam turned, "No! And no one say's fancy anymore anyway. That was uncool the 80's"

"Sorry"

"Doesn't matter" he started to jog up the stairs with Matt following him, "Have you given Christa that letter yet?"

"No"

He grinned, "Better get cracking Romeo" He had tried to avoid the awkwardness that was Matt declaring his love for Christa. It probably wasn't the most pleasant thing to find that a fat, dead, git had the horn for you.

_A bit shorter this time, but please review and favourite all the same. Hopefully the next one will be longer._


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